Thank god for a place to come and vent and cry and scream. I really need this.
The last several months have been so incredibly busy, emotional, heartbreaking and stressful I don't even know where to begin!
My medication is no longer working. After 6 years of Welbutrin, I can't use it anymore. I was getting tremors that would wake me up at night and well, I wasn't getting a single bit of benefit out of it emotional wise. None. I've been miserable for months now. Could a lot of it be attributed to PPD since Kim? Probably. I haven't been this bad since Kat Kat was 3 months old. And before that, when I was first Dx with thedepression . It's hard. I hate being sad all the time and not knowing why I'm sad. I've moved on to Zoloft and have a scrip for Xanex for emergencies.
Several weeks ago Brendan and I got into the biggest fight in our 12 years together. I'm surprised the cops weren't called it was that bad. It was pretty much a meltdown on my part where when we finally stopped screaming at eachother, I was able to go into each and everything he has done and not done these past 3 years that has pretty much gotten me to the point I'm at now. I try to just let things go when it comes to him, unless its something huge (which is rare) but when it just builds and builds, you know that at some point, you're gonna crack. I did. He tries so hard at work to do a good job. He tries soooooo hard....to the point that he's not HERE for me when I've needed him. I tell him he's the only person I know who can't get off for an hour to go to serious Drs appointments with me. Why? I know he's a military man and he's got his duties that come first, but there have been a few BIG deals that have gone on where I needed his support and didn't have it. Without going into all of it, he understands that right now, I'm needing him the most. I'm so happy that shore duty is just around the corner because right now, I couldn't handle another deployment. I only have 2 more underways to do with this ship before he transfers. I'm not sure tho if I'm going to make it through this next 2 week one. Spring Break, B gone, oldestkid making me nuts...yeah, wish me luck! LOL
Speaking of my oldest...she's currently in heavy treatment at the local "mental hospital"...it's only a partial day program which means she goes from 8-5 and comes home for the day. After further evaluation from the psychiatrist there, without saying that she officially has Bipolar Disorder, they are medicating her rapid cycling moods in hopes to level her out. We are only on day #2 and it apparently takes a while to kick in. At this point, she's the largest stress in my life.
Aiden...oh Aiden...he's so well behaved. I can't complain. He's like a breath of fresh air. After months of him working on his multiplication by 3's, I've realized something...the reason he's not passing the test is because he's being timed. He has 2 minutes to do almost 40 problems. He knows them all...up to 12, but here's the kicker...he has an IEP that says he's supposed to be given more time to do it.
We have been practicing our 3's every day, 12 times a day since freaking NOVEMBER!!! When school starts back (we are on a 3 1/2 week Spring Break) I'll be sending him to school with a note telling the teacher that he is moving on to his 4's now. I have totally not been as involved as I should be this year...I have failed him miserably.
Allyson...no surprise here...tested and is "gifted". So, next year, she'll be in a GATE class.
Evan...won't fully potty train to save his life. He's 3 1/2 years old. If I find another pile of poop in his room or another corner/toy box with pee in it...I might freak out. He's so so close....we just can't call it official because he's having these accidents. He knows it's wrong...he's just a stubborn ass and won't do it right.
Kathryn...genious...at 20 months she's getting on the potty and going. She's gonna be done before Evan.
Kimberly...she's turned into a bit of a mommas girl. I can't let her see me leave a room or it's on. She's close to crawling and once she does, she's gonna follow me everywhere.
If you made it this far:
That's my life at the moment. I'm up and down and all around but very thankful to have my sanctuary. I miss when things were easier and I wish those days would return.
__________________
The last several months have been so incredibly busy, emotional, heartbreaking and stressful I don't even know where to begin!
My medication is no longer working. After 6 years of Welbutrin, I can't use it anymore. I was getting tremors that would wake me up at night and well, I wasn't getting a single bit of benefit out of it emotional wise. None. I've been miserable for months now. Could a lot of it be attributed to PPD since Kim? Probably. I haven't been this bad since Kat Kat was 3 months old. And before that, when I was first Dx with the
Several weeks ago Brendan and I got into the biggest fight in our 12 years together. I'm surprised the cops weren't called it was that bad. It was pretty much a meltdown on my part where when we finally stopped screaming at eachother, I was able to go into each and everything he has done and not done these past 3 years that has pretty much gotten me to the point I'm at now. I try to just let things go when it comes to him, unless its something huge (which is rare) but when it just builds and builds, you know that at some point, you're gonna crack. I did. He tries so hard at work to do a good job. He tries soooooo hard....to the point that he's not HERE for me when I've needed him. I tell him he's the only person I know who can't get off for an hour to go to serious Drs appointments with me. Why? I know he's a military man and he's got his duties that come first, but there have been a few BIG deals that have gone on where I needed his support and didn't have it. Without going into all of it, he understands that right now, I'm needing him the most. I'm so happy that shore duty is just around the corner because right now, I couldn't handle another deployment. I only have 2 more underways to do with this ship before he transfers. I'm not sure tho if I'm going to make it through this next 2 week one. Spring Break, B gone, oldest
Speaking of my oldest...she's currently in heavy treatment at the local "mental hospital"...it's only a partial day program which means she goes from 8-5 and comes home for the day. After further evaluation from the psychiatrist there, without saying that she officially has Bipolar Disorder, they are medicating her rapid cycling moods in hopes to level her out. We are only on day #2 and it apparently takes a while to kick in. At this point, she's the largest stress in my life.
Aiden...oh Aiden...he's so well behaved. I can't complain. He's like a breath of fresh air. After months of him working on his multiplication by 3's, I've realized something...the reason he's not passing the test is because he's being timed. He has 2 minutes to do almost 40 problems. He knows them all...up to 12, but here's the kicker...he has an IEP that says he's supposed to be given more time to do it.
We have been practicing our 3's every day, 12 times a day since freaking NOVEMBER!!! When school starts back (we are on a 3 1/2 week Spring Break) I'll be sending him to school with a note telling the teacher that he is moving on to his 4's now. I have totally not been as involved as I should be this year...I have failed him miserably.Allyson...no surprise here...tested and is "gifted". So, next year, she'll be in a GATE class.
Evan...won't fully potty train to save his life. He's 3 1/2 years old. If I find another pile of poop in his room or another corner/toy box with pee in it...I might freak out. He's so so close....we just can't call it official because he's having these accidents. He knows it's wrong...he's just a stubborn ass and won't do it right.
Kathryn...genious...at 20 months she's getting on the potty and going. She's gonna be done before Evan.
Kimberly...she's turned into a bit of a mommas girl. I can't let her see me leave a room or it's on. She's close to crawling and once she does, she's gonna follow me everywhere.
If you made it this far:
That's my life at the moment. I'm up and down and all around but very thankful to have my sanctuary. I miss when things were easier and I wish those days would return.
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