Here...we..go!

**This might be somewhat scattered**


What a weekend.  It's over, and I'm still exhausted.  I wouldn't be so tired, except I got home at 9pm and proceeded to stay up talking to Brendan telling him all about Meridell and my whole trip.


Up and at em early in the morning on Sunday.  I was so super terrified that my alarm wouldn't go off thanks to the Daylight Savings time change.  And for good reason because for some unknown reason, the alarm on my phone decided to NOT go off.  Thank goodness Brendan's phone was set to go off as a back up.  I was tired.  So tired. And we had even gone to bed at 9:21 the night before.  LOL  Brendan got Honor and I off to the airport with more than enough time to spare and off we went. 

 The initial flight was terrible.  Non stop from San Diego to Austin TX.  We were category "C" as far as boarding so that meant 2 things.  1st, we were one of the last to board and 2nd, it's open boarding so that means your almost automatically guaranteed a seat in the middle.  Now, IDK what anyone says, those 3 seats were SMALLER than the middle row of my Expedition.  Seriously.  I was so cramped.  Then the pilot kept coming on every 15 minutes to tell us where we were.  I knew when we passed over Yuma, Phonex, Tucson, when we entered New Mexico, El Paso and then finally landing in Austin.  *rolls eyes* I just wanted him to be quiet. The landing was scary...enough to make me hold onto the seat in front of me but we survived.

Now, I mentioned to the staff at Meridell (the next day) that it might be a good idea to have some kind of label on the side of their vehicles so people coming in know that in fact, the car they are walking up to is the one they are supposed to.  Talk about nerve racking.  LOL  I'm standing on the side of the road essentially waiting for the unmarked car to show up.  Again, we survived. 

The drive from the airport to just the hotel is about 30 minutes and another 20 minutes to the RTC.  Now, we weren't really in Austin.  Meridell is actually in Liberty Hill which is south of Austin.  It's so quiet compared to San Diego.

We finally got to Meridell around 3pm where my Mom, "Big G" was waiting for us.  The campus is absolutely gorgeous. There is so much land.  I can't wait to go back during "Blue Bonnet" season in TX.  According to the staff, the fields are full of them.  The buildings from the outside look like cabins.  There's a very "camp" vibe.  The treatment center has the kids separated into groups where kids with the same issues are kept together.  Honor is in the "Jewel" group.  Now, the center works on the color system.  Each level is a different color.  All kids start on red (aka garnet for the jewels) and then work their way up through the system. 

We checked Honor in and while I signed so many papers, the staff did their search of Honor.  Metal detector and then a search of her belongings.  That's when her mood started to shift from happy and relaxed to tense, irritated and scared.  She got a little bit testy with the staff, which I'm sure they are used to and then headed to the "Day Room" where the rest of the girls (15 or so) were hanging out.  Now, so as not to offend anyone, please remember that this is a mental health facility.  There are children there with mental health issues...one of them is now my child.  Honor spent about 10 minutes in the day room while I finished up and then it was time to go.  She came out to say goodbye and started crying.  She held on to me so close and told me "I don't need to be here Mom.  I'm surrounded by crazy people".  She really doesn't see that those who are there aren't "crazy"...they all have the same type issues that she does.  She firmly believes that she doesn't belong there, but she does.  She is a lot like the children in her unit.  Again, she doesn't see it in herself, but it's there.  


After finishing our goodbyes for the night, we headed out to our hotel which was a really nice Holiday Inn.  Tricare not only pays for us to fly out to Meridell (once a month) but they also cover all but $25 of the room cost. Big G and I got settled, hung out for a bit then went for dinner.  The whole time we were eating, we were just talking about everything and that's when I had a lot of my own anxiety.  The biggest fear for me was not just thinking, but KNOWING she was terrified and I could do nothing. I knew she was in good hands and the staff would be able to help her, but I'm a mother and my first instinct is to want to protect my child and make her feel comfortable and know that everything is going to be okay.  I don't want her to ever feel that I have just up and abandoned her or that I just wanted her to go away.  Mom said a lot of comforting things and really put my mind at ease.  We both really feel that this is going to be a great start for Honor and she's going to learn so much and make some very positive changes.  After we got back to our room, I got a phone call from Honor and she said she was starting to feel like she fit in a little bit more and she seemed in better spirits than when I left her.  Relief!!!!  We read for a bit and then seriously had the lights out at 8.  I was so exhausted.  Emotionally and physically. I "slept" for 12 hours.  That's in quotes because it was broken sleep. I was awake every 2 hours and had some of the wildest dreams. It's funny how the brain works.

Mom was awake before me, but we got up and dressed.  We went and had breakfast then ran up to Target.  Honor isn't allowed to have a standard razor, so we went and picked up an electric one for her.  Mom also got her a couple of pairs of shorts and some stationary.  We ran out to Kohls and Big G took care of me too...=) It doesn't matter how old you are, be it 10, 18 or 32, when your mom is well, your mom and she does for you, it feels good.  I think everyone, no matter where they are in life, always needs their MOM. And I especially did last weekend and she was there for me. 


We headed to Meridell to visit with Honor  for a bit and were able to go have lunch with her. After lunch we met with the Therapist she will be seeing, Mr Bob.  He did the typical millions of questions over the course of the hour and we were able to express all of our concerns.  I mentioned to him how Honors brain is always moving...I mentioned all of it.  He did say that based on the information we provided when we were looking into admission, she was placed with the other neuro-psych kids and she will be getting all of the testing associated with that.  One of the tests will be a Q-EEG where they check for any brain disrhythmia (yes i spelled that wrong).  Basically, it's any sort of possible seizure activity which has been known to cause a lot of issues in children like Honor.  Treat the seizure, and you can minimize the behavior.  Doesn't mean they will stop behaving like children/teenagers, but a lot of the more extreme behaviors can sometimes be treated. After meeting with the therapist, we met with the psychiatrist who will be handling her medications. They will be working hard to try and find a good combination for Honor, if there needs to be any changes.  Mom noticed that as we explained everything to the Dr(s), any and all of the behaviors that would make any person "shocked", the staff was unphased...because they were so used to seeing it I suppose.  When thinking about that aspect, it just makes this all seem that much more..."normal" isn't the word I want to use, but it's the only one I can come up with. I can't really explain my train of thought other than, it makes this whole process "okay".  It's going to be "okay".  She will be "okay".  Does that make sense?

Big G headed out after the visit with the last Dr and Honor and I walked around the campus for a bit while I waited for my ride back to the airport. It was a good visit and she was smiling when I left.  I didn't get a phone call from her...she's only allowed to call myself, Brendan or Big G, and only 2 days a week (Sunday/Monday) for a total of 20 minutes...I already can't wait to hear from her on Sunday. But I got back to Austin and then made it back to San Diego on a much more pleasant flight than the first.  I should be hearing from the staff at Meridell soon as to when I will fly out next time.  We HAVE to be on site with her once a month (Tricare rules) and we will be beginning our once a week family therapy sessions next Monday.  

I'm looking forward to all of it and seeing all the progress as it comes. My only hope is that this works.  I feel positive about it, but sometimes a little bit scared too that it won't work.  We informed the Dr that Honor is super smart (I can't wait for her IQ test results) and she also knows how to "work the system" and "manipulate" people into doing what she wants, so it's possible she will try to work her way out of the treatment center earlier rather than later.  I want her to stay as long as Tricare will allow her to stay and even her therapist here believes it will be closer to the 6 month mark.  We shall see.